Excerpt from Chapter 2 of Party Pooper: Growing up with Anxiety

(Available now Amazon!!)

In the spring leading up to my kindergarten “graduation,” my parents knew I would not be able to handle a regular public school. They decided the best option for me would be a Montessori school. My mom and I took a tour of the school. I doubt most kids did this, but I needed to be reassured before I could attend a new school. It was also a chance to work with the materials that would be used in the classroom. We walked into the principal’s office and I clung to my mom’s side. As we were walking toward the classroom, the principal explained, “Our classrooms are larger to accommodate more students and teachers.”

I thought to myself, “… More students and teachers?? More people??” I was already not a fan. As an almost six-year-old, I was not a “the more the merrier” kind of person. Instead I was a “the more the people…the more the throw up” person because I truly believed every person is a ticking bomb ready to throw up at any time. Instead of thinking, “Oooo more friends,” I was standing there thinking about how my chances of encountering vomit had just increased.

Little did I know I would soon realize another horror. We walked into the classroom and there sitting among the tables were approximately thirty-five students eating lunch. Immediately, I tugged on my mom for her to lean over so I could whisper to her. I whispered to her fairly confidently, “I don’t want to have lunch here.” I was used to half days. At my previous school, you could choose to have lunch at school or go home.

My mom whispered back as nicely and as calmly as possible (and probably praying I would not have a mental breakdown), “Grace, you have to eat lunch here. You do not have a choice.”

My life was over. My mind tried desperately to grasp this news, “More students? Have to eat lunch at school? What kind of nightmare is this?”