I Always Want It To Be Tomorrow
Finding Contentment With My RIGHT NOW
By Grace K. Bianco
These are the days I wanted. Yet, I find myself still looking ahead.
Learning to be content comes easily for some, and then, there are others who really can’t seem to grasp it. I would say I fall right in the middle… Well maybe slightly more towards the one that it comes easily to. See I don’t need a bunch of stuff. I don’t really compare my life to others. I am easily pleased, but every once in a while, I feel myself looking too far ahead towards my dream future.
I believe contentment is extremely important. If we constantly look ahead or look at others, we will never have enough. There will always be something more. We will die wondering why we never had it all. The thing to remember is we all leave this earth the exact same way, with nothing.
A Poem That Completely Changed My View On Contentment
It was spring, but it was summer I wanted,
The warm days, and the great outdoors.
It was summer, but it was fall I wanted,
The colorful leaves, and the cool, dry air.
It was fall, but it was winter I wanted,
The beautiful snow, and the joy of the holiday season.
It was winter, but it was spring I wanted,
The warmth and the blossoming of nature.
I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted,
The freedom and respect.
I was 20, but it was 30 I wanted,
To be mature, and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged, but it was 20 I wanted,
The youth and the free spirit.
I was retired, but it was middle-age I wanted,
The presence of mind without limitations.
My life was over, and I never got what I wanted.
This poem was written by Jason Lehman at just FOURTEEN years old.
I found this poem ages ago in some book I read once. I think about it all the time. We are constantly looking ahead, and it’s too easy to forget to enjoy right now.
My Personal Struggle With Contentment
As I said above, I am easy to please, but I am human. My struggle with contentment is always looking ahead at the next phase of life.
From the time I was young, all I wanted to do was grow up. I wanted to have a boyfriend. I wanted to get married, and have babies.
When my mom started homeschooling me my fourth grade year, I counted down the time until I would go to high school. When the time for high school arrived, I was so nervous that I couldn’t understand the days I ever wanted to go.
I loved high school so much, and I really did have a good experience. Yet, I counted down for graduation. I wanted to go to college, get a good job, and save for my future family.
When I graduated high school and decided to not go to college last minute, I couldn’t find a job quick enough. When I became a nanny two months later, I loved it beyond words, but I still wanted more of a career.
When I began writing as a hobby, I quickly wanted it to become a career. When it began to take years to build a following, there were times I just wanted to quit. In my head, I “didn’t have” the time.
When my husband and I started dating, I dreamed of engagement. When we got engaged, it took me only five months to plan our wedding.
Now, I am married. My writing career is picking up momentum. These are the days I wanted. Yet, I find myself still looking ahead.
I want my husband, a traveling Radiation Protection Technician, to get a home job for us to become more settled. We will have to move out of state, and I want a life of my own before children. I want to get a little part-time job and become involved in a church. I want to continue pursuing my writing. I want a better routine.
What I want most of all is for it be time to have a baby. I want all of that stuff before a baby, and I don’t want to have a baby tomorrow. However, I long for the day my husband and I will be more ready for a child.
What I Do To Focus On Contentment In This Season Of Waiting
While I wait, I constantly remind myself how fast life moves. I pray I reach each phase of life and goal I want to accomplish. However, if I die tomorrow, I don’t want to die knowing I wasn’t enjoying what I was given. I prayed so much for many of the things I have today.
I will use my longing for a baby to show examples of how I am trying to be content with the phase of life I am currently in.
I am trying to focus on myself. I want to be strong in my relationship with Christ. Life isn’t all unicorns and rainbows with a baby, and I want to stand firm in my love for Christ to get through the harder moments. This ties in with me working on my mental health and my anxiety.
I am also focusing on my physical health. I am trying to eat healthier without restricting myself too much. Whenever my life becomes a little more routined, I plan on getting into fitness a little bit. I am not making huge changes immediately, but it’s enough to make me feel good and productive.
And last but of course not least, I am focusing on my marriage. I want my husband and I to have our time together before adding a little one. I also want us to be focused on strengthening our relationship and becoming better communicators.
When I focus my attention on what I can do today, I stop looking at all of my tomorrows. It makes me more driven to become a better me today to prepare myself for plenty of good tomorrows.
My Last Piece Of Advice To You All
Whatever it is you are wanting, try looking at the things you have that you once wanted. God is constantly blessing us, and our flesh is constantly needing more. It’s easy to become so I focused on what we don’t have, but God already gives us far more than what we deserve.
I hope you find contentment with where you are right now. You can work for better days, but you’ll only have today once.
*Taken from Canva
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