I Feel A Lot & I Talk A Lot About It
You should try it.
By Grace K. Bianco
“If they can’t handle you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.” — that one famous and corny Instagram caption that is true though
As an anxious person, suppressing my feelings feels almost impossible sometimes. It is possible to keep them down at times, and they will almost always bubble out anyways. It is usually worse when that happens.
I wanted to write about this, because my friend and I were just talking about feeling things deeply. We are both huge advocates for feeling our feelings. She’s even in school currently to study psychology. If that doesn’t show her dedication, I don’t know what will.
If I am happy, I am really happy. If I am sad, I am really sad. If I am mad, I am really mad. If I am feeling, I am really feeling. If we are friends, you probably know what I am feeling, because I am both expressive and talkative.
I, not only, feel my own feelings strongly. I can feel for others (usually) just as strongly.
When I was in third grade, all the third graders got a necklace with their name and a word that describes them on the back. The word I got was “empathetic”. As an eight year old, I was like “What the heck does that even mean?” My mom explained proudly that it means I care deeply about others. And since then, it is my everyday goal to be a go-to person for whoever needs one.
Empathy isn’t just about being able to care and help others. It’s about feeling for others. Putting yourself in their shoes and understanding that some people find easy things hard (and vice versa). I don’t care how small their problem is. If it is upsetting them, they deserve to be heard.
The quote I live by when it comes to talking to others is, “Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t so.” (By Lemony Snicket) I don’t need to 100% understand your problem to understand that something is hurting you.
Sometimes, being empathetic means crying when you see someone else crying. Sometimes, it means just being able to understand that everyone is impacted by different things differently. You feel for them, because you know what it is like to be sad, mad, hurt, etc.
In my eyes, feelings are supposed to be talked about. I believe we were given the gift of communication to be able to talk with one another.
I am a big talker, and as you can see in my writing, I am a pretty open person. I like discussing my feelings. Even if it’s just a quick talk, it helps me feel better.
For instance, if a friend asks, “How are you?”, you should tell them how you really are. If you consider them a friend, they should care about you just as much as you care about them. Sure, you don’t need to dump all of your problems on an innocent person, but if you are little more honest, it may help them be more honest with you. They may need someone to talk to more than you do, and now, you’ve just opened a door to be honest with one another.
A lot of people struggle in some way with their mental health. You never know who is ready to give up. Suicide happens, because people believe they have nothing worth living for. This can translate to them believing they have no one who cares about them. We have to be genuine when we ask people how they are. It could be the question that saves someone.
Like I said, I am one who prefers to talk about it. I really believe a lot of people do too, but they are too scared to open up. I know that when someone opens a door up to allow me to talk openly, I will most likely leave that conversation with at least one weight lifted off of my shoulders. It helps me to talk out loud. I can piece together things out loud that would usually get jumbled up in mind. It helps to be listened to and receive encouragement.
Struggling with mental health can be isolating. It’s nice to feel heard. For those who are doing the hearing, think of the impact you are making on that person.
I like to consider myself a happy person. I laugh way too hard at just about anything. I enjoy the little things in life. I constantly push myself to find contentment despite whatever season I am. And when things don’t go so great, I find joy in God.
After I published my book, a few people said they didn’t realize I even struggled in the first place. My sister told me the other day, “You can’t tell that you have anxiety.” I don’t fit the “norms” of anxiety, because I don’t struggle socially. Yet, I still struggle with some harsh anxiety daily.
I believe it’s possible to be happy despite the struggles. I let myself feel bad on the harder days, but on the easier days, I push myself to be the happiest. I may not always be able to suppress how I feel. There may be days that my exact feelings are written all over my face. On most days though, I am confident that I am one of the happiest in the room.
We all struggle with something. It’s important to acknowledge our struggles while still being able to push through them. On harder days, you don’t have to keep it to yourself. There is always someone out there who will listen. Getting help is a very strong thing to do as well. I know it isn’t always easy for some to open up, but you never know how much it could help you.
While you let yourself feel bad on the bad days, make sure to let yourself feel good on the good days. You can be the happiest one in the room too. You know what it is like to feel bad, and so, you can really appreciate how good it feels to feel good.
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Also, check out my more personal blog newkindofliving.com ❤
My book, Party Pooper: Growing up with Anxiety, is available now on Amazon (eBook and Paperback).