I Wish I Was A Better Listener

I just get too excited.

By Grace K. Bianco

I love that I can talk and laugh with just about anyone. I just pray that I can listen to everyone JUST as well.

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I love talking. I am a huge talker. I get excited and overly expressive every time I tell a story. When I experience a noteworthy story with one or more of my family members, they ask me to tell it to the others. They know I will do my best to make it entertaining and funny.

Talking is just what I do. Some people have social batteries that run out, but my social battery hardly ever needs to be charged.

So, as someone who loves to talk, you can imagine how hard it can be for me to listen. I get excited to share how I relate with them, or I am two steps ahead of whatever they are saying and already know exactly what needs to be said.

The Little Introvert in Me

If you, a stranger, were to walk up to me, I would probably be pretty quiet. If you’re a female, it would only take me a couple of minutes to get a feel for you, and my bubbly personality would flow right out. However, not to sound sexist, but if you are a male, I will probably stay more quiet and shy. No, I am flirting or infatuated by you… I just have a husband and keep my distant from guys. Stories get twisted, and I want no part in that.

Terrible quality picture from the first time we met ❤

You can ask my husband about my “quiet phase”. Our first date I got extremely nervous, and hardly said a word. I could hardly look at him. We had only been talking online for a few days, and I had gone on so many awkward first dates that I wasn't expecting a good one.

Nothing about that first date felt normal. I mean that in the best way possible. I was so scared that my excited chatter would ruin it. So, I stayed pretty quiet. Luckily, my shy and awkward self didn’t scare him away. We got married exactly a year and a month after first meeting each other.

When I met his family, there was some concern as to how quiet I was around everyone. Again, I did NOT want to ruin anything.

From Thanksgiving 2021

Now, my husband probably wishes there were some days I wasn’t so chatty and overly excited to tell him the smallest of things. I sit with his family, and we all enjoy talking. You’d never know I was petrified around them at one point.

The point I am trying with all of this is that although most would consider me outgoing, I am more of a selective outgoing person. If I am in a slightly uncomfortable situation, I am a better listener.

My Desire to Help Others & Listen Better in my Marriage

It’s when I am in a comfortable situation that I just want to talk. No one seems to get frustrated with me, and honestly, the only person who has ever said anything is my husband. I don’t constantly interrupt everyone or never listen. I just feel like there are times when I am too quick to speak. Even though it’s not a huge problem, I never want someone to feel like I am not fully listening to them.

I think of the Bible verse, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…” — James 1:19, all of the time. I know that this Bible verse is more in reference to not arguing with others, but I still apply it to all of this. I still need to stop focusing so much on what I want to say, and I need to just take in what those around me are saying.

I want to help and encourage as many people as I can, but I can’t do it if I am too focused on what I will say next. See, even if I am listening and not speaking, I get too caught up in my head. I want to give them my undivided attention and just ponder what they are telling me.

Taken by Marshall Hammer

As I mentioned up above, my husband is the only one who has ever said anything to me. This is when I REALLY reflect on James 1:19. If we are arguing, there’s a 90% chance that I will interrupt him. It’s not that I don’t want him to tell me why he’s upset, but if he says the slightest thing wrong, I will “correct” him with my own opinion.

This is when my “quick to speak” really shows itself. If I want my husband to listen to my reasoning, I should be just as quick to listen to his. How will we resolve an argument if he can’t get in a full sentence? It’s something I have thought a lot about. Since I am way more conscious of it now, I really do my best to just bite my tongue.

Conclusion

In the end, I blame some of my over eagerness on my busy mind. I have mentioned my busy mind before, but there are just thoughts constantly going through it. I feel like it is even apparent in most of my writing, because I tend to ramble.

Writing feels amazing, because I can go on and on, and there’s no need to worry that I will say too much or accidentally cut someone off. I just get to speak my mind, and then, my amazing followers may comment their own thoughts after reading. Writing is and forever will be my favorite outlet.

Prayer is also great for this, because God desires to hear from us. I have plenty to say and think about, and I do my best to talk it through with Him. He wants to hear my rambles.

I believe my ability to talk is a huge part of my personality. I made it sound super negative in this blog, but I am also aware of how much of a gift it is. A lot of my family is introverted and can’t understand my extroverted tendencies. I love that I can talk and laugh with just about anyone. I just pray that I can listen to everyone JUST as well.

*Taken from Canva

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❤ My book, Party Pooper: Growing up with Anxiety, is available now on Amazon (eBook and Paperback).

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Grace Bianco

Grace Bianco

I am the author of “Party Pooper: Growing up with Anxiety.” I love oversharing my life. I talk about my faith, marriage, mental health, and anything in between.