“Just Pray About It”
Helping Others with Their Mental Health in a Positive + Constructive Way
By Grace K. Bianco
Give it to God, and then, go distract yourself with one of your healthy coping mechanism.
If you’re a Christian with anxiety or any other mental/physical illness, I am sure you have been told to “just pray about it.” I can’t even begin to count how many times I have been told this, and to be honest, it used to make me really mad.
I felt like my feelings weren’t being validated. It made me feel guilty, because I always was praying. I knew it was advice that I needed to listen to, but it made me feel brushed off.
Today, I am here to explain how my perspective has changed on being told that, and I also want to enlighten those who give that kind of advice.
Things NOT to say to the Anxious
Anxiety is very complex. It’s a constant battle of the mind. One can’t really get away from it. It’s their own mind, and a lot of the times, they are programmed to think in a certain way.
Annoying things I have been told that you shouldn’t say:
“Think positively.”
“You’re irrational.”
“Don’t be a party pooper.”
“Don’t think that way.”
Etc.
Not one of those is constructive or helpful in the slightest way.
There isn’t an on and off switch with anxiety. They can’t just not think that way, because to them, it makes perfect sense in their heads. It doesn’t matter whether it makes sense to anyone else. It feels VERY real. So calling one irrational is extremely hurtful and invalidating.
Calling someone a party pooper is not okay. If someone is scared and you think that calling them a name will make them less scared, you are the one with the real problem. I have been called that more than once, and I have learned to shrug it off (most of the time). In fact, Party pooper is a term I usually laugh at. The name of my book is, “Party Pooper: Growing Up with Anxiety” (buy here).
Words have the power to comfort or the power to hurt. When one is being vulnerable, choose wisely.
Things TO say to the Anxious
Most of the time, an anxious person doesn’t expect you to fully understand. Even though it makes sense to them, they expect others to not make much sense of it. So, don’t lie and say you understand if you don’t. Belittling them and/or their feelings to make them see that it “isn’t a big deal” will do nothing but harm. Anxiety makes one feel small enough already.
Here are somethings you could say if you don’t fully understand:
“That sounds really tough. I have never felt that way, but I can imagine it must be hard to deal with that.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?” — It is good to ask questions instead of making assumptions. A lot of times a listening ear is all they really need.
“What can we do to distract you?” — Obviously, say this when you can tell they are done discussing their feelings. Being distracted from ones anxious thoughts is extremely helpful. I, personally, love to watch a movie when I don’t feel mentally well. It helps when my husband cuddles me and watches one with me.
THE BEST THING YOU CAN SAY — “I am sure you have already prayed about this, and you need to keep praying about it. I know that your fears seem so big to you right now, but you know God is so much bigger. I want you to know I am praying for you, and God will get you through this.” — This is one of the best things to tell someone. It is great to point them back to God in a way that doesn’t make it seem like they weren’t already in communication with God. Being prayed for is the ultimate love language.
Understanding “Just Pray About It”
I will conclude with this. Prayer is the ultimate coping mechanism. You have to go to God with your worries. He WANTS you to. You canNOT bother God. He understands you better than you do.
“Don’t be afraid” in some variation is said 365 times in the Bible. That’s a verse for every day of the year. We are supposed to trust God with our ENTIRE lives, but He also knows that are human flesh gets scared. He provides us with so much comfort, and He doesn’t want you to be alone with your thoughts.
God is the best validator and comforter.
As I said before, I used to HATE being told that, but I realized that at the end of the day… It is what we are supposed to do. I still believe it could be said in a better way, and I am definitely still for other healthy coping mechanisms (therapy, writing, painting, listening to calming music, watching a movie, getting coffee, etc.).
When your anxiety begins to show itself, the first thing you need to do is pray about it. Give it to God, and then, go distract yourself with one of your healthy coping mechanism.
“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” — Psalm 94:19
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