My heart goes out to you. I don't know that kind of pain yet, and I don't want it to seem like I am even beginning to compare my struggles with yours. I have been struggling with generalized anxiety and various forms of paranoia since I was four. Writing has been my escape for three years. I truly believe it is so good to just get lost in your own words. I love that writing is your creative outlet as well. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am always on here. My instagram is gracekbianco if you would ever like to talk on there. I hope Medium and the community on here continues to treat you well. Love your writing! God bless you.