Quick Dating & Quick Engagement Doesn’t Mean I Want A Baby
Addressing The Christian Newlywed Stereotype
By Grace K. Bianco
“I can’t wait for you guys to have baby, but I know you are waiting to have one.”
I hear that line in some variation every so often, and honestly, I have no problem with it. My husband and I are very fortunate to have family and friends who don’t put any kind of pressure on us to have a baby. We really don’t get many comments on it, but the stereotype still remains.
We did everything so fast… Why not start a family fast as well?
Why did we “rush” into marriage?
I have mentioned this before, but I felt like it belonged in this blog especially for any new readers.
My husband and I waited till marriage, and we were only together a year before we got married. It’s easy to assume we got married just for the sex, which would lead to starting a family soon after. Look I don’t want to undermine sex, but it definitely wasn’t the reason we got married.
We had the financial stability to get married.
I didn’t go to college, and instead, I worked as a nanny. I also lived with my parents. I didn’t have to pay any rent or bills. I had no debt, and I was really good at saving my money. By the time I got married, I had saved close to 40k.
My husband didn’t go to college right away, and instead, he worked at various minimum wage type jobs. Then, he went to college for his Associate’s to get the job he has now, a Radiation Protection Technician. By the time we met, he had been working in Nuclear Power for around four years. He had a lot saved and had just received a promotion when I met him. He had no debt and a good paying job.
My husband bought a house the month before he proposed. We had no reason not to go ahead and get married. Our finances pointed to yes, and most importantly, we knew we were meant to be. We didn’t believe in living together before marriage, and we just felt ready to do life together. If we knew we wanted to get married and both felt ready, why wait around?
Do we agree on waiting to have kids?
It’s not unusual for one spouse to want a baby very quickly, and the other to not want one for at least a couple of years. My husband and I got lucky, because we both upfront agreed on waiting a few years before having a baby. We both want kids, just not right now. We even agree on how many we want.
My husband is almost twenty-seven, and I just turned twenty-one. There is no biological rush to have a baby right away. We want to be able to enjoy each other and do whatever we want. We want to travel out of the country and in the country together. These are our only years as just the two of us, and then, it will be a longgg time before we are empty nesters.
My husband’s job also makes us travel all around. (Read “Easier Version of A Military Wife : Here’s how WE do it…” for more information on my husband’s job.) We hope that he gets a home job soon, and we will be able to permanently move somewhere. I’d rather my husband not be away for three months twice a year while I stay back home with our babies.
Most importantly, we want to continue building a strong marriage foundation. When you get married, there is just so much stuff to learn, and I just want us to grow and learn those things together now.
Should Everyone Wait?
There’s obviously certain things that make it hard for others couples to wait. As I said above, I am lucky enough to be young and not feel like my biological clock is ticking away. I understand that other couples don’t have that option.
I also know that other couples may not share the same desire in waiting for a baby. Some people believe that is the purpose of marriage.
Whatever the reasoning may be, it is ultimately up to them. I believe that if a couple can wait that they should. It is so nice to build a strong marriage foundation. Babies change so many things, both in amazing and in stressful ways. Your marriage will become so different after a baby.
I am not strongly opinionated on waiting to have children; however, it is my current advice. Simply, because I, myself, cannot imagine it not being just my husband and I. I am so excited to become a mother, and I look forward to it every day. But as for now, I am in no rush. If God decides it is time, I will happily accept a baby, but for now, I am content with just my husband and I.
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