They Aren’t Worth Your Tears
The Golden, Silver, and Bronze Dating Advice
By Grace K. Bianco
Your someone is waiting to care for your heart, and to find them, you can’t keep giving your heart to people who don’t deserve it.
Dating is a huge part of life for almost everyone. We get so caught up in it. We put so much energy and time into finding our soulmate. Some of us become over the top picky, and become disappointed when we can’t find someone who fits into such a precise box. While others grab up the first person who shows a slight amount of interest, and end up being disappointed that it didn’t turn out to be the relationship of their dreams.
There’s a select few who get it right the first time, and find their perfect spouse. They don’t ever experience a breakup or waste a huge chunk of their life searching for their soulmate. Most of us don’t have it that easy.
If rejection is almost inevitable, how do you avoid being so crushed by it?
The Golden Rule of Dating : Guard Your Heart
My mom was the first person who ever gave me that advice. I remember being homeschooled in middle school, and my mom reminding my sister and I to “guard our hearts” when we start dating.
We were taught to not give our hearts to just anyone, but to wait and give it to someone who would actually take care of it. She would explain that many guys may try to come along and win our hearts over, but their true intentions may be to use our bodies instead of care for our hearts.
In the beginning, it may look the same. The girl or guy will make you seem like you are the greatest thing ever. They will do everything to convince you that they want you for you. Overtime their interests in YOU will turn into their interests for the things you can give them (money, sex, etc.)
What exactly does guarding our hearts look like?
This blog isn’t about making it seem like there are no good people left. However, it is good to be aware of the not so good ones, because relationships are so fantasized over that it can be easier to see the good than the bad.
When you guard your heart, it means you are beyond careful of who you decide to love. You are cautious of who gets to hear you say the words, “I love you.”
The Silver Rule of Dating : Have Standards
Another piece of advice my mom would give us is to have standards.
How can you fully guard your heart, if you don’t even know what you are protecting it from?
There is nothing wrong with deciding what is both good and bad for you in a relationship. Just because one person thinks something is good in a relationship, does NOT mean you have to think that way. If you know of something that makes you feel loved, look for that quality when you go out with people. If you know of something that would hurt you, look for that as well.
If a person comes along and they seem to fit most of your standards, but they also fall short in a lot of other standards, you need to be cautious. You can’t be over the top though either. No one is perfect. You will have to figure out what standards are negotiable and nonnegotiable as you meet people.
For example, I said I would never date a guy who played video games, and I ended up marrying a guy who loves them. I didn’t want a guy who would rather stay up late gaming than sleep with his wife. My husband still plays video games, but he eats dinner with me and goes to bed with me at night. It has never been a problem.
Let’s look at my life for an example of nonnegotiable standard... After I got of a four year relationship and felt ready for another one, my biggest standard was looking for a Godly man who would wait till marriage with me. Who even waits for marriage these days, you might be asking? Plenty of guys!! Of course, there were many who were not a fan.
I had been talking to this one guy for awhile, and we were getting along really well. He had a busy schedule. So, we never went on a date. I had talked thoroughly about my desire in waiting so that it wouldn’t come as a surprise later down the line. He said he was fine to wait with me. Then one day, he texted me asking how far I would be willing to go. He was saying it sounded really hard to do. We hadn’t even been on an in person date, and he was already wanting to know what he could get from me. I blocked him, and never looked back.
I had waited four years with another guy, and just because I thought I was getting along well with the guy wasn't enough to continue talking to him. I needed a guy who respected and felt just as strongly in my decision as I did. It wasn’t fun to cut him off, but I understood that I deserved a man who fit a standard that was so important to me.
If something is important to you, do NOT let someone else try to make it seem like it is not. There are plenty of people out there who will have similar desires and morals that you do. Everyone has standards. They are healthy and necessary for a healthy and sustainable marriage.
The Bronze Rule of Dating : Work on Yourself
Until you find your person, you are the only one who knows what is good for your heart.
There was a point after my four year relationship where I became really caught up in the dating life. Although I didn’t shed a tear over a guy that didn’t work out, I was frustrated that I couldn’t find my Mr. Perfect. So, I stepped back. I began to work on my relationship with God and found contentment in my season of singleness.
I focused on myself. I worked on myself. The more I cared for myself the less I cared about finding a man. Sure, I still had the dream of being someone’s wife, but I didn’t want to lose myself in the search.
When you become frustrated in finding a partner, you start to lose sight of the bigger picture. You begin to crave the feeling of being in love. That frustration can make you more “desperate”, and when someone doesn’t work out, it will weigh heavier.
You need to focus on what you can fix about yourself. You need to prepare your heart for whoever will get the honor of caring for it. If your standards are good enough and someone meets majority of them, they are probably pretty great. You want to be ready and great for them too.
Last Piece of Advice
Everything I have said all has importance and goes together. The ranking I gave each section was simply there to make it sound better.
In the end, you are worth so much. Once you realize that, rejection or being the one to cut someone off won’t feel so heavy. You will soon realize that you are just one step closer to finding the person who made the search for love worth it.
The journey may still be hard at times, but it is better to say goodbye than stay in a draining relationship to avoid being single. It’s the fear of being alone and losing sight of what you need in a relationship that will cause the worst heartbreak.
I am a big believer that there is someone for everyone. Your someone is waiting to care for your heart, and to find them, you can’t keep giving your heart to people who don’t deserve it.
(** All pictures on this blog were taken from Canva.)
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